Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
