Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
