Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
