Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
the liver wants what the liver wants
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
