I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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