Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
