You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
