Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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