I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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