I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I want her autograph on my taint
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm like, not good at living.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
