ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
