one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
