Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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