I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
