Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
