Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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