im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
