We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
