Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize