is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize