I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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