I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
