Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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