I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
