well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
