After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
