god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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