I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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