Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
