Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The uberlube is also flammable
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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