You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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