im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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