my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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