Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
