I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
