I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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