keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
