we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
