if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize