The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
