Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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