good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
