Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
