He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
