Cold hands, warm shart.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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