You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
