An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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