I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
my liver is dry heaving
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
