I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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