Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't deserve a penis
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
