I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
false alarm. still invincible.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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