I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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