I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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