it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
