Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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