You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
