My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
