well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
