i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
