so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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