My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
