My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
