Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
