Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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