If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
