dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize