Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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